E10: Who's Your Daddy? - DDlg

You've probably heard "Daddy" used in a sexual context before. But what exactly is DDlg? Why do people do it? There are many misconceptions about this kink, some think it's sexualizing those under 18, some think it's just plain gross, but very few people  know what being a Daddy Dom and little girl actually is. 

Transcript

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 Hello and welcome back to Kinking Out Loud with me, Gothic Hel. Today I want to talk about daddies, or more specifically daddy doms and little girls.  There are of course similar variations of this, for example daddy doms and little boys,  or gender swapped mommy doms and little boys, or mommy doms and little girls, you get the drift.

I'm very sure you've heard of people being called daddy in a non  Vanilla way, so to speak.  But I'm here to tell you about the origins of this particular  word and explain a little bit about it. So let's start with basics.  A daddydom, or just daddy, is the  dominant part of a dynamic between someone who takes on a paternal guiding role Usually for someone who takes on a submissive or more innocent, childlike role.

Now, I would really, really want to explain this to people because I've heard so many misconceptions about this. I'm going to stop everyone who's thinking this dead in their tracks. No. DDLG.  is not a form of pedophilia or sexualizing children. It is absolutely not that. This is a very important point and people misunderstand it severely because they hear, you know, daddies and little girls and see  the littles  dressed in more childish attires, maybe onesies and  they have bibs and stuffies.

And usually pacifiers and some go into what is called adult baby diaper lovers territory, but I feel like that is kind of a step further and, and not necessarily related. For example, what might actually shock some of you is that yes, I am a little and I have a daddy.  And I would really want to dispel the myths and the stigma surrounding this, which is why I'm talking about this today.

Although some people choose to or want to sexualize their roles between these parties,  it is actually far more common to keep it more... Save for work, I'd say. And if you know what subspace is,  subspace is when you enter a frame of mind where you feel more submissive. It is a kind of euphoric experience for some, where your senses are heightened and you feel kind of, I would say, high, actually.

And it's kind of the same. For littles except it's called little space and your frame of mind can become more innocent, more childlike, more I wouldn't say pure, because that sounds weird, but yeah, kind of pure. So not only would you take on the clothings of  a little girl, you would also kind of take off the mental thinking, I suppose. 

But the thing is, you have to remember... That this is something that happens between two consenting adults over the age of 18. And the little girl, for the most part, is a very womanly person, who has womanly shapes as Tits and hair and all the things that kids do not, it is absolutely not sexualizing kids.

If you cannot tell the difference between a grown woman in a onesie and an actual baby,  You have a problem, and I don't mean that you are literally blind, because you can tell the difference  between a baby and a grown woman  on their voice alone, usually, with some exceptions. The main appeal in this whole kink is not the semblance to children in any way, although that is probably the first thing that you think about. 

The draw is, first and foremost, the nurturing bond between a paternal figure and their Little baby, baby girl, I guess. I'd also like to add that I am also a mommy dom. And I have myself a little boy.  I am a switch, after all.  But I have a lot more experience on the D side than the S side. But, back to it, the daddy dom little girl dynamic is, in many ways, mutually beneficial.

For example, the daddy dom gets to take care of someone in a paternal way. The daddy dom can set certain limits for their little such as not allowed to watch scary things, not allowed to stay up late or eat candy or junk food. This can either be rules that are all the time aka in a 24 7 dynamic or during a scene where the little is in little space.

The little can be told, for example, to be put into little space, to go draw something with crayons, put on a onesie, play with stuffies, listen to childish music from their childhood, for example, watch cartoons or something similar. Some daddies have rules like, you're not allowed to swear while you're in little space, you're not allowed to think about or talk about scary things, you're not allowed to do anything for yourself, so the daddy is essentially 100 percent in the nurturer role.

But this is mostly in a scene where the little is in little space and not something that happens outside of that. Mostly. I cannot speak for everyone. And then you have the 24 7 Daddy Dom little girl relationship that I am in.  It does not mean, and I am not, in little space and do all of those things all the time.

My Daddy Dom little girl dynamic, for example, is that he makes sure that I take my meds, go to bed on time, brush my teeth, eat, because I sometimes forget to eat, and overall nurtures and coddles me and treats me like a little princess. Now, being a little and being in little space puts you in a very vulnerable position.

This specific dynamic requires a lot of trust, especially from the little to have faith in someone to essentially make a lot of decisions for them and treat them as if they are Helpless individuals who cannot do anything by themselves, essentially stripping them of their, well, adult responsibilities, which is something that is really nice, actually, to not have to have responsibilities like that and have someone else be in charge of things that many people consider part of the.

sometimes terrible adult experience. You have a sense of relaxation and feeling very, very taken care of as you actually are. So you are essentially giving someone else the power to decide everything for you and be in complete control of you as if you actually were  You know, a child.  But being treated as a child and being a child are two very different things.

I cannot emphasize that enough. The same thing with being or dressing child like. It is not the same as wanting to actually be a child. That is something That I think most people in the DDLG community can very much agree with. However, putting yourself in the vulnerable and innocent, I'd say, position of a child and having someone more quote unquote grown up take care of you does come with a certain responsibilities that both sides actually have.

But, I would say that most of the responsibility probably lies within the dominant. Of course, the little slash sub has to make sure that the person they surrender to or chooses as their daddy, is actually both competent and responsible enough to take on that role. It is very important that both parties discuss what type of dynamic they are looking for and what kind of nurturing and or responsibilities both parties have.

And to be actually actively engaged in discussing these things frequently. Because I have seen it so, so, so many times. There are people out there who refer to themselves as daddy, who absolutely think that they can do the daddy role.  But they have no clue what they're doing, and the only thing they actually want to do is to take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable role.

They are very much exploiting the fact that there are vulnerable young or older girls slash women who are out there looking for a daddy, a paternal figure, a nurturer, whatever. You'd actually be looking for. Calling yourself daddy and have your little refer to you as daddy is not enough to Actually be a daddy in my opinion, but it really really depends on your dynamic Maybe it's just something you call him in bed.

Who knows But when it comes to the BDSM definition of being a daddy, then you have to realize that being a daddy does come with the privileges of getting to take care of a little, getting to be the soul, nurturing, and person in their lives who is also usually a romantic and or sexual partner. Up to this point I might have talked more about what the little gets out of it and not enough about what the daddy wants to get out of it.

And what the daddy gets out of it is usually the privilege and pleasure, I guess, of taking care of someone, to nurture them, to be the kind of provider.  It's very giving to be someone who helps someone on that level and have someone be so vulnerable with you and give you that amount of control over what you do.

It is truly a very giving thing, a very fulfilling role to have and I should know I've been on both sides.  Aside from getting to take care of a whole person, you also get to make all of the decisions of what they do. How they dress, how they act, what they do when they go to bed, everything. And that is a lot of power to have over another human being.

Which is why I say to my little boy, dumb babies don't think. Dumb little babies don't make decisions.  Dumb little boys only have to look cute for mommy. But let me be very clear.  Although I get to call him dumb, he does not get to call me dumb. That is one of my limits. It is very important that you don't go around and decide what to call your little aunt or sub.

Besides that, you might have figured out by now that being a daddy dom comes with a lot of responsibilities and it's not as simple as calling yourself daddy. Because, yes. You do get a lot of power, and with great power comes great responsibility.  You have to make sure that you take care of your little, and respect and honor the responsibilities and commitments you've made to this person.

However, It does not only go one way. You cannot be a selfish little who doesn't actually give back. Your daddy is most likely putting a lot of energy and time into taking care of you and your needs. And it's important to remember that He or she is human, too, and to appreciate the effort they put in and ask them if they are doing okay.

Ask them if they need a break, and remember to take care of them, too. Aftercare is important on both sides, and it's important to make sure that both of you are taken care of physically, emotionally, and mentally. After all, the relationship is supposed to be give and take, and not only one way. Changing the subject from responsibility to the real reason I believe DDLJ is so attractive.

Cuteness. Innocence and playfulness is incredibly endearing to me. And I think it's incredibly endearing to my daddy as well. And I like being a little for several reasons. One of them being, I love looking cute. I love dressing cute. You know, I am a pastel goth, so pink is kind of my thing. I have a massive stuffy collection.

I have blinky shoes.  And yes, I do have a bunch of adorable onesies. But aside from the cute goth pastel aesthetic and the  adorableness of all, I just really like being taken care of like that. Having my hair brushed and being tucked in, being reminded to brush my teeth or go to bed at a certain time. It takes so much off my plate and it actually makes me feel extra loved.

The type of comfort that I get from him is indescribable in a way. And the way he dotes on me and calls me his princess is just amazing to me. But I haven't always been this open and upfront about my role as a little, because DDLG as a whole does come with a lot of prejudice and stigma, because people don't really have an understanding about it as a whole.

The only thing they really see are adults dressing as children or acting childlike, and they automatically assume that there is something very perverse about it all. The absolute worst thing that I have been accused of is enabling pedophilia, which is absolutely disgusting and not even remotely true.  I genuinely believe that your immediate thought is to jump from seeing an adult person acting or looking childlike straight to something as fucking terrible as that is all on you.

You have to be able to differentiate between an actual child and an adult who dresses as a child. And as I've explained during this whole episode, the whole kink, the whole DDLJ thing is so much deeper and has so much more to it than just what you see on the outside. I am currently in my late 20s, I am tattooed, and I have snakebite piercings.

If you... Do you not see the difference between me and a child, or you see me in some kind of childish outfit doing some childish thing, and you immediately think about grooming or pedophilia, there is something wrong with you, it's really not me. And this is something I think everyone who is involved with, or wants to get involved with, has to remember.

It really isn't you. You are not disgusting or promoting things like that just because you're into this. And I think it is very funny, actually, that It took me many, many years to be completely comfortable with showing the world this side of me. I am now in my late 20s and I feel much more comfortable with this side of me, and I think it should be less Stigma around this whole thing.

I would also like to briefly touch on the subject of age regression, which is kind of different from, but also kind of part of little space. This part of it is more psychological in nature and instead of still retaining some sense of being an adult, you literally psychologically. 

And this type of thing is very often not sexualized or sexual in  nature at all. Many people actually do it as a form of dealing with trauma that might have happened earlier in their lives. That is another part of the DDLG kink that is pretty misunderstood, I'd say. Now, I can't really speak on it, because I don't have a lot of experience with it, but I have seen it, and sometimes experienced it myself.

In conclusion, though, being a daddy is so much more than just being called daddy. And being a little is not something that should be shameful or seen as disgusting or enabling. I have tried my best to explain the very complex emotions and reasons behind DDLG, and I really hope you have a better understanding of it.

Thank you so much for tuning in and listening to my little podcast.  I am Gothic Hell, and I will see you next time.