Welcome back to Kinking Out Loud with me, Gothic Hell. Today I want to talk about limits. I can't count how many times a sub has come to me and asked me if I want to dominate him. And I ask him, of course, what are your limits? And, without a fault, some of the times, I'll get the answer, I have no limits.
Now, you may think that's an attractive thing to say to a dom. Like, that makes you so much better. Cause you know, you have no limits, right? So I can do whatever I want to you. Well, that's where you're wrong. First of all... If you tell anyone, especially a very experienced Dom, that you don't have any limits, first of all, we'll know that you are full of shit.
Nobody has no limits. Everyone has something they absolutely do not want to do. And sooner or later, I will find out what it is. Any Dom, worth their salt, knows that no limits is not a thing. So, before you come to a Dom, you have to find out what your limits are. Or, even better... Work out what your limits are with the DOM.
Sometimes you just wanna impress you someone. I know, I know you wanna impress DOMs with that. But you're only going to come off as extremely inexperienced and very much desperate. And trust me, we might even test that you don't have any limits. One of the more sadistic ones, at least. Other than that. One of the reasons why it's so important to have limits and know them up front is because there are actual risks involved with BDSM, and that's something everyone should know.
So, if you say you don't have any limits, That just means there's free reign to do whatever you want to them, no matter how humiliating, painful, or dangerous. There are almost no limits to what you can do to a person, provided there is consent. And, unfortunately for you, who say you have no limits, you have no idea what you're getting into.
The purpose of doing something within BDSM to be safe is to know that everyone in the scene is going to be safe at every turn. So that's why limits are in place. You need to figure those out. Without limits, you shouldn't play. That said, you should always try to figure out what limits are soft and what limits are hard.
A soft limit is a limit that you're willing to try to stretch, while a hard limit is something that you will not do, something you will not engage in, and should not be tried to be engaged in. It's really important that you remember to enforce these limits and boundaries, and make sure your partner can hear you and understand you.
So you have agreed, both of you, what your limits are. You see, a limit isn't just for the submissive partner. A dominant can and should have limits themselves. Oftentimes, these things should be discussed before you start engaging in any kind of play. And these things are important to establish trust on both sides.
And remember, it's never. ever okay to break a limit that is straight up not okay. So make sure you come prepared when you're going to talk to a dom about your limits, kinks, wants, and expectations, so that she knows you're not just trying to say anything to get with her, because believe me, we really know when that's the case.
If you're ever in doubt though, remember, you should absolutely talk about your limits with your dom and partner.